When: Wednesday May 15th 2013
Where: The Cliftonville Inn, 98-101 George Street, Hove
I paid: £2.29 for a pint of Godfather's, £6.79 for steak & kidney pudding for erm, two
I'd just spent the last hour at my book club, digesting the joyful 'Night Circus' by Erin Morgenstern. Wrestling with those all important questions such as "how does Isobel serve as a foil to Celia"?, or more pertinently, "what the hell I am doing here"? Face it, you too would need a pint on the way home after suffering through that. Options are limited in this neck of the woods however and I couldn't go to the Slug & Lettuce as I didn't have a sweater to drape around my shoulders. Enter the Cliftonville Inn, a franchise of the much derided Wetherspoons chain. Cheap, cheerful and offering plenty of opportunity for more soul searching, "a quick pint, or a bite to eat as well"?, or more pertinently, "what the hell am I doing here"?
You know where you are with a Wetherspoons though, there are no surprises. And no frills. A large room filled with rather desperate looking punters with noses that would put Alex Ferguson to shame, putting the world to rights. Most of them look like they've been there a good few hours. Unsurprisingly, I spot a few postmen. Whilst I'm waiting at the bar, a man named Julian is being refused service from the barman. You've got to go some to be refused service at a Wetherspoons. Julian causes a scene that makes even the hardened drinkers look up from their pints and then he meekly slinks away, compounding his embarrassment by pushing for 30 seconds on the exit door marked 'pull'. I overhear the barman telling his colleague that they'd had to get the paramedics in to treat Julian that morning and he'd only been released from hospital a couple of hours previously. Hardcore. Also a little bit sad.
I'm a fine one to talk about being sad. Despite being a Billy nae Mates I decide to order the arbitrary priced two steak & kidney puddings for £6.79, and eat them myself. All that reading had given me an appetite, I could only hope the food would be easier to digest than 'The Night Circus'. I go through the pretence of waiting for a friend, looking at my watch and playing with my phone but I don't think the staff are fooled. Fortunately they're too kind to say anything and my fellow drinkers are too busy chowing down on their own food or watching the Chelsea game to notice as I wolf the lot. One of the big screen TV's in the pub is showing the football the other is tuned in to a soap opera I don't recognise, possibly EastEnders. As a concession to the fact that most of the punters are of pensionable age and maybe hard of hearing, the subtitles are switched on. That's no use to those that are also blind as a bat however (i.e. me) and I can only speculate as to what they might say (cor blimey Alfie, whatcha fink, is it Shell's baby?). The atmosphere is all quite amiable and I decide to stay for another (pint, not steak & kidney pudding). That's the good thing about a Wetherspoons, at £2.29 a pint, a considerable lightweight such as me could get hammered for under a tenner if I so desired. Sorted.
Dog Friendly: Yes Quiz: No
Food: A large menu, breakfast served from 8 AM, coffee, 2 for 1 deals, probably not the greatest food in the world but for the price you can't complain. Quite a large selection of drinks, from £1.99 a pint (or half by the time most of them have been transported to their destination).
Entertainment: Two fruit machines. A couple of large screen TV's. Sky TV. Watching Julian get barred.
Live Music: None
Outside seating: None, stand and smoke on George Street or handily placed for nipping to Ladbrokes across the way. Decoration in the pub is sparse, tables rather than any comfortable seating and a dubious carpet.
Toilets: Stank
Miscellaneous: Praise for the bar staff who were probably the friendliest yet and turned a blind eye as I demolished two steak & kidney puddings.
OVERALL SCORE: 3.5/10................does exactly what it says on the tin.
Wednesday, 15 May 2013
Monday, 13 May 2013
Ah, I've got it, accordions! No.19 - The Ranelagh
When: Sunday May 12th 2013
Where: The Ranelagh Arms, 2-3 High Street, Brighton
I paid: £3.60 for a pint of Doom Bar, £3.00 for a Malibu & Coke (not mine!)
Although it's address is officially listed as High Street, the Ranelagh is situated right on the corner with St. James Street and the 'colourful' street life that comes with it. The area has been gentrifed in recent years but is still home to some of the edgier fringes of society and you can always expect to see a mix of unconvincing transvestites, street drinkers, students and the little old dears with their shopping trolleys determinedly battling through the throngs on their way to Morrisons. The street is quiet on this miserable Sunday afternoon though, as is the pub itself. In fact we are the only customers. I say 'we' as I have been joined by my mate Sara, who came along because "I've nothing better to do", which his hardly a ringing endorsement either for the pub or for my company. We are served by a monumentally bored looking barmaid who at least has the saving grace of having a monumentally impressive chest. The order for a malibu and coke is probably a more common occurence in other nearby establishments but any shame on my part is unfounded as she manages to show almost complete disinterest.
The pub is self proclaimed as Brighton's 'legendary' blues bar although maybe this is only true amongst the blues fraternity. A quick straw poll at work revealed that only a few people were aware of its existence, although as postmen they really can't be expected to know where anything is. It's decorated with posters and pictures for seminal American bluesmen such as BB King, Howlin Wolf and John Lee Hooker whilst the soundtrack being played behind the bar was heavily blues influenced. The barmaid didn't seem to notice (or more likely didn't care) that it was on a loop of the same five or six songs however and after being there for an hour or so we were starting to feel like were listening to a special blues version of Heart FM. During the brief lull in between songs we had the added bonus of being able to hear disco diva classics being belted out at the Sunday afternoon karaoke of the gay bar down the street. (review pending)
As well as the gig posters there are old guitars on show around the place, as well as the musical instruments that with a few beers and Sunday afternoon lethargy fogging our minds neither of us were able to come up with the name of and had to settle for 'them squeezie things' (this wasn't a reference to the barmaids chest). On closer inspection, one of the guitars had a small plaque next to it that stated it had been purchased from the estate of Robert Coleman upon his death in 1982. Impressive. If they'd purchased his corpse at the same time and were stashing it in the toilets I wouldn't be surprised, it might explain the smell.
After an hour or so the barmaid was replaced by an older guy who made up for what he lacked in the cleavage department by at least being friendlier and trying to get us interested in upcoming gigs. I like the blues, albeit the more up tempo numbers, the "I lost my job, my dog has just died" variety can become a bit dirge-like after a while. The miserable weather outside and our equally miserable reception didn't help our impressions but I will definitely give it another chance. On a live music night with a few more people in the place it's got potential, even if some of the staff have got the blues.
Dog Friendly: Welcome except when there's live music on Staff Friendly: No
Outside seating: Small patio area at the side where you can watch a couple of 'locals' brawl over the last can of Special Brew and listen to 'I will survive' being belted out by Lily Savage. Also there is no comfortable seating inside, maybe you have to suffer for the blues and it's just not the same lounging in a leather settee.
Quiz: Nah Food: Nah
Live Music: Most nights of the week. Blues, folk, rock and Americana predominantly. That's alright then.
Miscellaneous: It smelt like something had died in the toilets, maybe Robert Coleman? Sara thought the fireplace was impressive, I'll take her word for that.
OVERALL SCORE: 6/10.......................Got no place to go (da da da da dah), you should give it a go.
Where: The Ranelagh Arms, 2-3 High Street, Brighton
I paid: £3.60 for a pint of Doom Bar, £3.00 for a Malibu & Coke (not mine!)
Although it's address is officially listed as High Street, the Ranelagh is situated right on the corner with St. James Street and the 'colourful' street life that comes with it. The area has been gentrifed in recent years but is still home to some of the edgier fringes of society and you can always expect to see a mix of unconvincing transvestites, street drinkers, students and the little old dears with their shopping trolleys determinedly battling through the throngs on their way to Morrisons. The street is quiet on this miserable Sunday afternoon though, as is the pub itself. In fact we are the only customers. I say 'we' as I have been joined by my mate Sara, who came along because "I've nothing better to do", which his hardly a ringing endorsement either for the pub or for my company. We are served by a monumentally bored looking barmaid who at least has the saving grace of having a monumentally impressive chest. The order for a malibu and coke is probably a more common occurence in other nearby establishments but any shame on my part is unfounded as she manages to show almost complete disinterest.
The pub is self proclaimed as Brighton's 'legendary' blues bar although maybe this is only true amongst the blues fraternity. A quick straw poll at work revealed that only a few people were aware of its existence, although as postmen they really can't be expected to know where anything is. It's decorated with posters and pictures for seminal American bluesmen such as BB King, Howlin Wolf and John Lee Hooker whilst the soundtrack being played behind the bar was heavily blues influenced. The barmaid didn't seem to notice (or more likely didn't care) that it was on a loop of the same five or six songs however and after being there for an hour or so we were starting to feel like were listening to a special blues version of Heart FM. During the brief lull in between songs we had the added bonus of being able to hear disco diva classics being belted out at the Sunday afternoon karaoke of the gay bar down the street. (review pending)
As well as the gig posters there are old guitars on show around the place, as well as the musical instruments that with a few beers and Sunday afternoon lethargy fogging our minds neither of us were able to come up with the name of and had to settle for 'them squeezie things' (this wasn't a reference to the barmaids chest). On closer inspection, one of the guitars had a small plaque next to it that stated it had been purchased from the estate of Robert Coleman upon his death in 1982. Impressive. If they'd purchased his corpse at the same time and were stashing it in the toilets I wouldn't be surprised, it might explain the smell.
After an hour or so the barmaid was replaced by an older guy who made up for what he lacked in the cleavage department by at least being friendlier and trying to get us interested in upcoming gigs. I like the blues, albeit the more up tempo numbers, the "I lost my job, my dog has just died" variety can become a bit dirge-like after a while. The miserable weather outside and our equally miserable reception didn't help our impressions but I will definitely give it another chance. On a live music night with a few more people in the place it's got potential, even if some of the staff have got the blues.
Dog Friendly: Welcome except when there's live music on Staff Friendly: No
Outside seating: Small patio area at the side where you can watch a couple of 'locals' brawl over the last can of Special Brew and listen to 'I will survive' being belted out by Lily Savage. Also there is no comfortable seating inside, maybe you have to suffer for the blues and it's just not the same lounging in a leather settee.
Quiz: Nah Food: Nah
Live Music: Most nights of the week. Blues, folk, rock and Americana predominantly. That's alright then.
Miscellaneous: It smelt like something had died in the toilets, maybe Robert Coleman? Sara thought the fireplace was impressive, I'll take her word for that.
OVERALL SCORE: 6/10.......................Got no place to go (da da da da dah), you should give it a go.
Thursday, 9 May 2013
What planet you on? No.18- The Neptune Inn
When: Wednesday May 8th 2013
Where: The Neptune Inn, 10 Victoria Terrace, Hove
I paid: £3.30 for a pint of Harvey's
Quality, down to earth boozer if you ask me. Complete shithole, if you ask Rich Francis. The Neptune is probably always going to divide opinion depending on personal taste. It certainly doesn't look like much, situated in the middle of a scruffy row of shops directly across the road from the smarter Sussex pub. The ongoing work on the buildings exterior doesn't help as the pubs sign is almost completely obscured. Any passing prospective punters could be forgiven for thinking the place was abandoned, if it wasn't for the furtive smokers huddled outside letting their dogs piss on the scaffolding.
Most of the pubs regulars match their surroundings in that both have probably seen better days. Worn and weather-beaten, they could've come straight from a Seasick Steve lookalike competition, and that's just the women. They're all unfailingly friendly though, in the manner of people who've been in there all day and have no plans to be anywhere else in a hurry. Dogs are positively encouraged and it all makes for a nice, relaxed atmosphere. Despite its reputation as a blues pub the barmaid played an eclectic mix of music behind the bar and the entertainment for the evening was watching a Seasick Steve-alike busting a few moves to Rod Stewart's butchering of 'This ole heart of mine'. The walls are covered with posters for previous gigs as well as photos of musicians who have supposedly at one time or another appeared at the pub. Gary Moore I can believe but I have a hard time imagining that Eric Clapton or David Bowie have ever graced the Neptune 'stage'. Regular live music is a staple of the pub though and can attract an enthusiastic audience in the intimate surroundings.
I was originally only going to stop for a quick pint but before I knew it a couple of hours had passed (2 pints then!). I would've stayed for longer but the stairs down to the toilets represent quite a precipitous challenge after a few pints. It's just the sort of place I like though, relaxed and friendly. I'd be quite happy if the majority continue to view it as a dump because then it will remain relatively undiscovered and I can continue to enjoy it in peace. I might even start to work on that Seasick Steve beard.
Dog Friendly: Very Food: None advertised.
Outside seating: None. Scaffolding at the front of the building doubles as a dogs toilet, the alley at the side doubles as a humans one.
Entertainment: No pool table, dartboard or fruit machine. Small flatscreen TV showing only terrestrial television, no Sky.
Live music: Virtually every night of the week, geared towards blues and jazz. Always free.
OVERALL SCORE: 8.8/10..........I like it, I want to retire here.
Where: The Neptune Inn, 10 Victoria Terrace, Hove
I paid: £3.30 for a pint of Harvey's
Quality, down to earth boozer if you ask me. Complete shithole, if you ask Rich Francis. The Neptune is probably always going to divide opinion depending on personal taste. It certainly doesn't look like much, situated in the middle of a scruffy row of shops directly across the road from the smarter Sussex pub. The ongoing work on the buildings exterior doesn't help as the pubs sign is almost completely obscured. Any passing prospective punters could be forgiven for thinking the place was abandoned, if it wasn't for the furtive smokers huddled outside letting their dogs piss on the scaffolding.
Most of the pubs regulars match their surroundings in that both have probably seen better days. Worn and weather-beaten, they could've come straight from a Seasick Steve lookalike competition, and that's just the women. They're all unfailingly friendly though, in the manner of people who've been in there all day and have no plans to be anywhere else in a hurry. Dogs are positively encouraged and it all makes for a nice, relaxed atmosphere. Despite its reputation as a blues pub the barmaid played an eclectic mix of music behind the bar and the entertainment for the evening was watching a Seasick Steve-alike busting a few moves to Rod Stewart's butchering of 'This ole heart of mine'. The walls are covered with posters for previous gigs as well as photos of musicians who have supposedly at one time or another appeared at the pub. Gary Moore I can believe but I have a hard time imagining that Eric Clapton or David Bowie have ever graced the Neptune 'stage'. Regular live music is a staple of the pub though and can attract an enthusiastic audience in the intimate surroundings.
I was originally only going to stop for a quick pint but before I knew it a couple of hours had passed (2 pints then!). I would've stayed for longer but the stairs down to the toilets represent quite a precipitous challenge after a few pints. It's just the sort of place I like though, relaxed and friendly. I'd be quite happy if the majority continue to view it as a dump because then it will remain relatively undiscovered and I can continue to enjoy it in peace. I might even start to work on that Seasick Steve beard.
Dog Friendly: Very Food: None advertised.
Outside seating: None. Scaffolding at the front of the building doubles as a dogs toilet, the alley at the side doubles as a humans one.
Entertainment: No pool table, dartboard or fruit machine. Small flatscreen TV showing only terrestrial television, no Sky.
Live music: Virtually every night of the week, geared towards blues and jazz. Always free.
OVERALL SCORE: 8.8/10..........I like it, I want to retire here.
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