Play Misty for me. No.14 Fogg's

When: Saturday, February 11th 2012
Where: Fogg's, 82 Dyke Road, Brighton
I paid: £3.50 for a pint of Becks and £3.00 for a 'Genuine' Cuban mojito.

Sometimes, it's all a question of timing. Visit a pub on a warm June evening whilst full of the joys of summer and even the most down-at-heel dive suddenly doesn't seem quite so bad (except the Bat & Ball). Visit in the depths of winter though, and the same pub is transformed back into the grotty fleapit you always knew it was. Not that Fogg's Pub/Bar/Restaurant (a pub AND a bar, woah!) is a fleapit, far from it, but on a cold Saturday evening in February, it was difficult to muster up too much enthusiasm for the place or for being there. Sorry Fogg's, but that's just the way it is.

It didn't help that I visited during that early evening no man's land between the afternoon drinkers going home for food and the evening drinkers coming out to play, but when I entered there were precisely five people in the place. This included a woman and her baby, a monumentally bored looking barmaid and another guy behind the bar who I took to be the landlord/owner. I could've have been way off with this assumption but he did have a certain proprietary air about him. The place is tastefully decorated, with subdued lighting and tabletop candles whilst the drinks list is extensive but geared more towards poncey cocktails than beers. It definitely swings away from the pub and more towards the bar side of things on the bar-ometer.

There is one small TV mounted to the left of the bar but no evidence that Sky Sports is shown, it's not really a football watching pub anyway. A couple of books were available on the mantelpiece, a dictionary and somewhat randomly 'The Lonely Planet guide to Switzerland'. I don't know if it was the miserable February evening or the signs on the wall advertising the upcoming 'Valentines night meals' but suddenly it did indeed seem like a very lonely planet. Sitting in an empty pub on my own.....writing a blog that only ten people follow.....it's surprising how morose you can get after half a pint of Becks. Luckily, I was shaken out of these thoughts of self pity by the conversation at the bar. Landlord/owner guy had chosen this time to loudly (he actually could have whispered and still been overheard) make clear his dislike of American TV comedies. It was quite a heated rant (Two & Half Men seemed to be the particular recipient of his ire, maybe Charlie Sheen had slept with his sister?) and I felt like piping up with, "well, don't watch them then", but instead concentrated on setting fire to the menu with a candle.

Not really in the mood for another beer, I decided to sample the pub/bar/restaurants allegedly 'Genuine Cuban Mojito'. It was good stuff but whether it was the real deal or not I wouldn't like to say and having witnessed the earlier attack on second-rate American comedies I wasn't about to provoke another outburst by questioning the authenticity of the drinks. What's a Genuine Cuban Mojito anyway? I was also disappointed when the barmaid failed to ask me if I was Havana nother.

The (charred) food menu was small but competitively priced and I was tempted to stay for a chorizo burger (if I knew what chorizo was) but it was cold outside, I was bored and a quick glance at my watch confirmed that if I got a shift on I could be home in time to catch the end of Harry Hill. Like I say, sometimes, it's all a question of timing.

Dog Friendly: Nope                  Quiz: Tuesday 8:45

Entertainment: No fruit machine, pool table or jukebox. A small TV that remained switched off. You'll have to make do with listening to the landlord go off on one.

Food: Small menu but they certainly made it sound good (and I now know what chorizo is!). Reasonably priced.

Outdoor seating: Wooden seats at the front if you want to choke on the fumes of Dyke Road and a small uncovered patio at the rear.

Miscellaneous: 2 for 1 on certain cocktails between 5-7 every day (but not the Genuine Cuban Mojito).

OVERALL SCORE: 5/10......bar, humbug.